I watched Suddenly 30 the other day. I'm sorry, I really am. I knew I shouldn't have, but the DVD was there at home, I had run out of downloaded television to watch, and I occasionally enjoy that type of movie. Well, I did once...I'm pretty sure.
I'm not sure what the movie was about, something about Tom Hanks attacking the future president of B.I.G. industries, and agent Bristow having to stop him before she ingests wishing dust and falls in love with the fattest little Mark-Ruffalow-As-Child you've ever seen. I think...
So, why aren't I sure about the plot? It's because Jennifer Garner (from now on, known simply as J-Gar) looks so freakin' weird. Seriously, have you seen her face? It has two expressions: happy/sad and surprised/angry. Happy/sad is used whenever she is either happy or sad...or neutral. Surprised/angry is used when she is surprised or angry...or looking in the mirror.
Fig 1: Happy/Sad J-Gar
Fig 2: Surprised/Angry J-Gar
The suspense I felt wondering which expression J-Gar would use next kept me from really understanding anything that was going on. I mean, J-Gar'd just be sitting there, looking all happy/sad, then BOOM!, she'd have this amazing surprised/angry expression attacking her face. Wowee. I'd ask myself, "Joshua, why did that happen?". And you know what, just when I was about to answer myself, probably with the wisdom of the ages, she'd swap back to happy/sad, and all I could say was, "I don't know Joshua, I just don't know." and we'd both sigh.
J-Gar wants you for the face-army!
