Due to the fact that my friends seem to think I love every movie that I see at the cinemas, I have grabbed a bunch of old movie tickets and gone through them to find the movies I really hated. Making lists of things you hate and world leaders you plan to kill are two of the main reasons for which Al Gore created the internet. So, without further ado, and in no particular order, my list o' hate:
- Gossip : I'm pretty sure this film tried to be a clever teen thriller. I think it had that guy who plays Pacey on Dawson's Crock in it. I don't remember much about this movie other than a general feeling of disgust.
- Roadkill : This movie taught us not to make fun of people in America's deep south. If you do they will kill you and everyone you love. Iraq already learned this lesson. Also, this movie had Paul Walker in it, and every time I see him I wish I had the strength to rip my eyes from my head and use them to stuff my ears so that I might be spared ever hearing or seeing him again.
- What Women Want : I think the answer to this question had something to do with Mel Gibson's slow, protracted, tautology filled death. Or maybe that's just me.
- Scream X : I liked the first one when I saw it. Now I hate it, because of all the evil it spawned. If I have to sit through one more mediocre teen slasher flick, I'll do something humourously drastic!
- Pearl Harbour : there's nothing I can legally do to satisfactorily demonstrate how awful this feculent film really is. Not since Ben Affleck took out that restraining order, anyway.
- Lost in Space : I don't know why I thought this movie might be good. It has a Friends cast member in it for Frink's sake!
- Jurassic Park 2,3 : Oh no! Dinosaurs are real?! They try to eat boring characters? How horrible!
- Bicentennial Man : Trite, hollywood version of an enjoyable short story.
- Inspector Gadget : When will they learn that 90% of remakes and adaptations suck pants? Matthew Broderick is actually a good actor, but this was a pile of putrescence.
- Deep Blue Sea : Smart sharks will kill you. Do not make them.
- Wing Commander : Not nearly as good as the tribute film "Wang Commander", but with similar plot lines and scripts.
- Event Horizon : disturbing, very disturbing...did anyone else know that Sam Neil was still alive? *Shudder*.
- Peacemaker : Nicole Kidman makes for such a convincing expert on nuclear devices. It wasn't for years afterwards that anyone could convince me that she's actually an early 20th century prostitute in Paris.
- U.S. Marshall : can't remember much about this film, but it's got a stupid title, so in the list it goes!
- The Wog Boy : Am I the only one who's run out of patience for Nick Giannopoulos?
- Copland : looks like 'Copeland' the never released macintosh operating system that had a lot of mac heads very excited. Turned out to be some cop movie with a fatter than normal Sylvester Stalone in it. No sign of radical new memory management features were to be seen!
- Object of My Affection : starred a member of the friends cast. Movie version of Wil and Grace. As good as you'd imagine.
- Mortal Kombat : actually, I liked this movie. I don't know why it's in the list.
- Blade : much better when you see it a second time, and realise that it's all about the gore. Mmmm, fake blood.
- I Know What You Did Last Summer {1,2,3,4,5,...,n} : if it was anything like mine, you spent it being pissed off at how crappy teen slasher flicks are.
- Psycho (remake) : Why?
- Armageddon : yeah, this was just one 'blockbuster' too many when I saw it. Makes for okay Saturday afternoon watching, I'd imagine.
- Urban Legend : starred that guy from Dawson's Crock. I think he was blond. Or maybe that was in the other movie. Meh.
- The American in the Iron French Mask : Leonardo Di Caprio is American, but also, the king of France. Amazing.
- Mimic : I normally love movies about giant mutant cockroaches that prey on people in the means streets of New York, or wherever. This just wasn't one of the best ones.
- Dreamcatcher : oooh, an adaptation of some Stephen King novel. Well, that aught to be really good, right? WRONG! Ha! You were wrong! Ha ha....ha.
- Bulletproof Monk : I'm loath to add any movie with Kung Fu in it, and especially one with Chow Yun Fat...but it has whatisface from Dude, Where's My Brain, and Evolution, and he's got an annoying face, or something.
- Star Trek Nemesis : it's nice to see that the worst Star Trek movie ever was also the last of the Next Gen. movies...nice like being hacked to death with a turtle!1!!!
- Star Wars, episode < 4 : probably wouldn't be on the list if I didn't love 4,5 and 6 so much when I was younger. A pity really.
